Forgiveness is Not . . .

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Stop beating yourself up. It’s okay to love yourself enough to put yourself in a safe space. It’s okay to walk away from the past and the people who’ve hurt you.

You don’t have to subject yourself to someone’s ongoing abuse to forgive them. You don’t have to spend time with them or put their needs ahead of yours to forgive them. Forgiveness is not always about having sweet, kind, self-effacing feelings and actions.

You can love someone and forgive them without liking them or allowing them back into your life. You can forgive a debtor without forgiving their debt. Forgiveness is not about you stepping into the gap and making up for their shortcoming. They may not even know you’ve forgiven them. That’s okay. Forgiveness is not about placating the offender.

Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself. It’s about releasing expectations—often unrealistic expectations—and allowing others to be who they are even when you don’t understand why anyone would act that way. Sometimes that means maintaining a safe distance.

Forgiveness is realizing your wholeness even while someone tries to steal a part of you.