Empathy Makes Us One

Susan grew up with her sister Allison who had schizophrenia. Like many with schizophrenia, Allison struggled with her medications and with alcohol and other substances that only made things worse. She lived intermittently on the street or in jail. For a time, she was committed to the state hospital. 

In the days before her wedding, Susan had no idea where Allison was or how to contact her. She struggled with guilt, resenting the times Allison had consumed the family’s compassion and financial resources, leaving nothing for her. She secretly hoped Allison wouldn’t show up at her wedding to cause the horrible disruption she’d rained down on so many other family events.

Allison surfaced a few days after the wedding and apologized for not being there. Susan felt Allison’s remorse, which accentuated the guilt she’d felt for being glad her sister hadn’t come.

Photo by Noah Silliman on Unsplash.

A month later, Susan had a life-changing dream. Sitting alone on a bench, she realized she was Allison. She felt the horror of schizophrenia, the lack of control, the judgement of others, the disappointment with herself. She felt Allison’s loneliness, sorrow, sadness, failed attempts to do better, and crushing burden of self-loathing, all as if she were Allison. She experienced Allison.

When she woke, Susan’s anger and resentment toward her sister were gone, replaced by love. One moment of profound empathy healed her. As miraculous as Susan’s experience was, it’s not entirely unique. Others have shared similar experiences with me, and I’ve had similar experiences myself. Pain makes us all alike; empathy makes us one. When we have empathy, judgement stops. Love conquers. Then we are one. 

Ask for empathy.