I was eating lunch with Heidi when I felt the presence of her deceased father. He’d been aloof and sometimes unkind during her childhood. I hesitated to admit his presence or share his message.

Now in her 50s, Heidi still carried the shame and guilt her father and her religious upbringing had imposed on her unwed teenage pregnancy. I saw the pain in her eyes.

I felt impressed to ask her about her daughter.

A brilliant smile eclipsed Heidi’s pain when she spoke of her now-adult daughter and granddaughter.

“Don’t ever talk about your childhood pregnancy as being bad or wrong or sinful,” I said, wondering where the words had come from. “Look at the blessings it brought into your life. Call it difficult or challenging, but don’t ever think of yourself again as being unworthy.”

We looked at each other in silence. 

“Your father’s here,” I finally admitted.

“I know,” she said, having felt his arrival.

“He said he did the best he knew how,” I said, with trepidation.

“I know,” she said, without a hint of resentment.

We wept together.

For much of my life, I feared not being good enough. I now resent the institutional messaging that causes people to question their worth.

You are not defined by your past or other peoples’ labels. Reject every message that questions your worthiness. Your worth is infinite and unchanging. You have never not been worthy.